What's Wrong with You...?
Sometimes, these days, I find myself asking myself questions like these, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do things the "normal" way? What is wrong with the status quo, anyway? Why do you always have to be so odd?"
This new thing that God is bringing to life in us and through us... it's so "different". We talk about a church that's not like most other churches... being a pastor in a way that's not like most other pastors... doing ministry in a way that's not like most ministries. It's just all so complicated. Why can't I just be a good boy and do what I'm supposed to do?
And, then, I wonder at the answer. Is it some kind of neuroses... not being able to just blend in... having to make myself stand out and, thus, appear important? Is it a function of my A.D.D. ... that I can't sit still... that I must tinker with things? Is it sin... a tendency to rebel against tradition and the "acceptable" way of doing this pastoral ministry thing?
I listen to my own heart for a time, waiting for a reply to these questions. And I listen to the Father speaking through the deep thoughts of my heart. And, this is what I always hear from him, "Yes, Mark, any of these could, at any time, play a role in your life and my calling. You are who you are. You are a human person... with neurotic motives and whole/holy motives, with disabilities and abilities that I have given to you... sometimes compelled by sin but often guided and moved by my Spirit. "
"But Mark", He continues, "I have chosen you and I have chosen Cheryl. And I will use all of who you are, and all of who Cheryl is, to carry out my will. My heart breaks for those who are broken and can't seem to find a place, a family, to really belong to... a place where I will heal them." And then He adds, "Now, stop asking all these silly questions and get on with it."
So, what's wrong with me? Plenty... but that's OK. To HIM be the glory!
Yes, Father. No more questions.
Sometimes, these days, I find myself asking myself questions like these, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you just do things the "normal" way? What is wrong with the status quo, anyway? Why do you always have to be so odd?"
This new thing that God is bringing to life in us and through us... it's so "different". We talk about a church that's not like most other churches... being a pastor in a way that's not like most other pastors... doing ministry in a way that's not like most ministries. It's just all so complicated. Why can't I just be a good boy and do what I'm supposed to do?
And, then, I wonder at the answer. Is it some kind of neuroses... not being able to just blend in... having to make myself stand out and, thus, appear important? Is it a function of my A.D.D. ... that I can't sit still... that I must tinker with things? Is it sin... a tendency to rebel against tradition and the "acceptable" way of doing this pastoral ministry thing?
I listen to my own heart for a time, waiting for a reply to these questions. And I listen to the Father speaking through the deep thoughts of my heart. And, this is what I always hear from him, "Yes, Mark, any of these could, at any time, play a role in your life and my calling. You are who you are. You are a human person... with neurotic motives and whole/holy motives, with disabilities and abilities that I have given to you... sometimes compelled by sin but often guided and moved by my Spirit. "
"But Mark", He continues, "I have chosen you and I have chosen Cheryl. And I will use all of who you are, and all of who Cheryl is, to carry out my will. My heart breaks for those who are broken and can't seem to find a place, a family, to really belong to... a place where I will heal them." And then He adds, "Now, stop asking all these silly questions and get on with it."
So, what's wrong with me? Plenty... but that's OK. To HIM be the glory!
Yes, Father. No more questions.
posted by Barnabas | 8:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home