"Father... We Are in Your Hands"

On Tuesday evening our son, Andrew, had emergency surgery for a problem with his colon. The name of the condition is intussusception and it involves the telescoping of one portion of his colon into an adjacent portion. In essence this condition causes the bowel to be squeezed closed and blood flow to be cut off to the effected portion, causing that part to die.
Andrew had to have that dead section removed. All went well, but now he faces a pretty tough recovery. He must wear a colostomy bag for around six weeks (a difficult thing for a 21 year old guy) and learn to take care of it himself. Right now, he is also feeling nauseous and everything he eats tastes like "metal" (his surgeon said that possibly both of these experiences are from the antibiotics). And... because his condition will require a pretty extensive recuperation time, he will probably not be able to continue his college classes this term... setting him back... just as he was beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel acedemically.
It's not coincidental (but truly Providential, I think) that I picked up a certain C.S. Lewis book to read while sitting by Andrew's bedside in the hospital. The book is, "Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer", and in one of these letters Lewis addresses the problem of unanswered prayer. Paraphrasing he says that we should not find it scandalous that our prayers are not always answered in the affirmative. If the Son of Man heard the Father say, "No", to his prayer in Gethsemane ("Father... if it is possible that this cup pass from me...") then why do we think that He will always say, Yes", to us?
Does the Father love us more than He loved Him? Do we love the Father more than Jesus did? Is our walk with the Father closer than Jesus' walk with Him? Are we holier than the Holy Son of God? Truly "the servant is not greater than the Master".
And yet... God does sometimes answer with a, "Yes". Isn't that amazing? In all this the most wonderful, "Yes", came to these requests... "Father, please help the doctors determine the cause and treatment for Andrew's condition, please keep him safe during this process and make him well, again." We are incredibly thankful for the Father's love and care for our son... and for the love and care that He will continue to show him throughout this recuperative process (even during those instances when He answers, "No").
And, we will continue to pray because while we may not know how the Lord will answer every time, we do know Him. We know that He is loving and He is good... and all his ways flow from who He is. We will pray for Andrew's continued physical recuperation (that it will continue to progress uneventfully... without infection, etal), we will pray that he will be able to learn all the new skills that he must learn (like dealing with his colostomy), we will pray for his emotional response to all this trauma (for quiet and peace in the midst of a slow process), we will pray for his spirit, that he will one day see that the Father's, "No", was the best answer that he could have received. But mostly, because in the end He is in fact good and loving, our prayer will continue to be, "Father, we are all in your hands...".

Plank-Eyed Judges

I'm not even sure what they were talking about. I think I heard something about ,"people who were 'afraid' to challenge the claims of the Bible."

We were in a little bookstore in Great Barrington (a particularly "liberalish" little town in south western Massachusetts) that I overheard this young couple in conversation. Try as I might I couldn't quite "overhear" exactly what they were saying (darned 52 year old ears...) but this phrase I did hear, "Well... you'd have to be either mentally unstable or just brainwashed."

How did I respond (in my head, anyway)? "Man... these liberal (aka 'open-minded') folk can really be incredibly judgemental of those of us who are not quite so 'open-minded'." (Ironic, ain't it?) But, the irony went on... because right on the heels of that reaction came a new response... this time from the Spirit of God. I heard, "Don't you do that very same thing? Don't you readily and quickly draw conclusions (make judgements) about others... their beliefs and actions?"

And it's true... without really knowing anything about someone (and without having one whit of authority to do so) I become the great diagnostician of their "condition" (their guilt... error... mental instability... level of brain-washedness...)

Maybe I should try to 'overhear' Jesus a little more... something about, "taking the plank out of your own eye so that you can see clearly to remove the speck out of theirs".

Hear... and Remember

So... our morning study at Oceanwood this year was entitled, "Into the Desert", and it was a study of the experience and significance of our spiritual desert experiences. The heart of the study was this, "Jesus, filled with the Spirit was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil." Jesus was led... and He obeyed. And the devil met him there, with a strategy to lead him away from what the Father had called him do (to become the Savior of the world and the Creator of a new Creation). And, the devil's strategy? Tempt Jesus to reject who He was and so cause him to reject what he was called to do.

"If you are the Son of God..."

The tempter challenged Jesus love relationship with his Father and I am convinced that our temptations come from that place as well. Can you hear the tempter's voice begin to whisper to you, "If you are a son of God... a daughter of God..."? ("Well, really how do you know... isn't that kinda presumptuous? Better not presume upon his love and relationship with you. ").

How did Jesus fend off these attacks? Jesus treasured in his heart a word from his Father and held onto this deep truth. Truly,"man does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God...", and this word from the Father to his Son became the Bread of Life for him... and for us. What was that word?

"You are my Son... whom I love... with you I am so very happy."

Jesus was able to fend off the devil's strategies because he know something... he knew his Father's voice and his words of love and favor. Consequently, Jesus knew that the devil's "if"s were empty. And so with each one of us... in the face of the devil's "if"s... hear the Father say, "You (place your name here) are my child and I love you. I am so very happy with you."

Hear... and remember.

"The Rain in Maine..."

Well, we have returned from Oceanwood Family Vacation Camp 2008, in lovely Oceanpark, Maine. In spite of the nearly constant rain, it was a very good vacation and a very good week with the Lord. It was also a very good week with our O'wood family.
On Saturday, as I was saying good-bye to one of our families, someone commented on the rain. (That was not really unusual since a day did not pass without rain... or without several commentaries on the rain.) Now, my reply even caught me by surprise... because it seemed like something maybe God might be saying. I said, "Yeah, it sure has been rainy... but I guess that God must know what He's doing. If it were up to me I would have made it sunny every day... and I probably would have spoiled the whole thing."
How true... how true. The theme for our morning study was (ironically), "Into the Desert". We looked at several biblical characters' desert journeys (Hagar, Moses/Israel, Elijah, John the Baptizer and, of primary consideration, Jesus). We also dug pretty deeply into our own past and on-going desert experiences. Even some of our new "campers" joined in and opened-up. There was a very real sense of love and compassion. There were listening hearts and encouraging words, both during "class time" and in the quieter moments around camp. We bonded together with the Holy Spirit's cords of love. It was amazing.
And, to no small degree, the rain contributed to this growing together. It kept us together... doing alot of on-camp kinds of activities. And, as we were just doing stuff together God did his "stuff". Though it was a rainy week... it was "desert-like" none-the-less (ie. the natural elements controlling and limiting our choices) and this wet desert was the context used by God to bless us.

Dining With Dot and Mel...

On Friday evening (Cheryl) and I had dinner at the home of two very dear friends, Dot and Mel. Dot and Mel are on the senior-ish side of life. Dot and Mel enjoy their lives and their winter retreat in Florida. Dot and Mel are lovers of Jesus and have devoted their lives, home and family to him.

Now, Mel is a quiet gentleman and an excellent BBQer of spare ribs. He is wise and a good listener. He loves his wife, Dot, with a devotion that I can only hope I show for Cheryl when we reach that time of life.

And then there's Dot. Dot, is a gracious and generous woman. She is a seamstress who shows the love of Jesus by making gifts for persons who are going through medical struggles. She loves Mel and still finds ways to make their relationship grow. She is devoted mom and grandmother to her family ("Her children rise and call her blessed") and she is a true spiritual mother to Cheryl and I.

While my Spiritual Director, Jim, will say something like, "Let's listen together to what the Lord may be saying to you." Dot will say, "As I have been praying for you both... here is what I hear the Lord saying to you. Now what are you going to do about it?" And, while Mel is a master at the grill... Dot, in her straightforward motherly way, also really knows how to "turn up the heat".

Now, at some point, Cheryl may want to post some of the insights that Dot shared with her at our Friday evening dinner... I will leave that up to her. But, here are three items that the Lord impressed upon me from our conversation over dinner. First, Dot said that she thought that this blog was a good tool for me to use for journalling. But that I needed to be diligent about it. I told her that the Lord had already impressed upon me that I needed to use this forum as my journal and that, even if no one else reads it, I needed to be faithful about writing it. Dot's words were a confirmation. I simply need to be obedient to what I had already been instructed to do. This entry is the beginning of that obedience.

Secondly, Dot said that we needed to be attending a church. I gave her a number of reasons why we had not been doing so, all of which were related to how we see ourselves as called out of the "institutional church" and into a "house church"/ "intentional community" way of doing things. Her response was that in the interim, until we are actually doing what God has placed on our hearts, we are out of fellowship. As an act of plain obedience, she said, we need to be worshipping with God's people, praying for them and resisting the temptation to engaged in critique (criticism). I agree with that insight, will pray and locate a church to attend... and look forward to what the Lord might do in us as we obey.

Finally, Dot simply reconfirmed that we need to "get off our duffs" and begin to do what the Lord has prepared for us already. There are those in our community who want to love Jesus but don't know how to do this "church thing" (in fact the Lord has already led us to some who have asked us to provide some fellowship and worship for/with them). These are the people to whom we are called... so what's the hold up? Dot's counsel was to do something every day to minister to them and begin to gather them together. If you notice from one of my more recent blog entries, this is just a matter of obedience as well.

Seems to be a theme developing here... obedience ("Now that you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.").

(Thank-you Dot and Mel for a delicious meal, your loving hospitality and your insights from the Lord.)

Silencing the Voice of the Accuser

There are times when I feel the weight (pronounced "embarassment") of being called to be a misfit... called to care for misfits. I hear the old self-abusive/ self-destructive voices that say, "See... it's just like you feared. You are a 'misfit' in the church simply because you can't 'cut it' at this professional pastor thing."

But then I read (or actually have read to me by my Spiritual Director... Thanks, Jim) a passage like this from Scripture. "David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. When his brothers and his father's household heard about it, they went down to him there. All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander..." (1 Sam. 22:1-2)

That describes a bunch of misfits if there ever was one. And, I am comforted that one of the great heroes of our faith, King David, at one of the lowest points of his life (on the run from King Saul) was sought out by the distressed, debt-ridden and discontented. He was a misfit himself and he became their leader.

Maybe I'm not good enough, or smart enough, to be a professional pastor (Lord knows I've tried...) but in the end that is something for others to judge. It is not even relevant because the truth of the matter is that my calling is something different (and that is why I am a 'misfit' with the clergy-types). I need to remember who I am, not the role that I am expected to play. I need to remember David (and for that matter Jesus himself who was always going to the sorrowful, damaged, struggling, sinful... because, "it is the sick who need a doctor..."). And, I need to pray that the Lord will put Satan under my feet whenever he comes with those ridiculous accusations and distractions.

Some further reflections...

I wrote about a deep longing for the fulfillment of the ministry calling that the Lord has given us. It is like being stuck in time... frozen in "late winter"... with spring so close and yet so very far away.
But, even as I wrote those words, the Lord was stirring me to ask this question, "For what am I really longing in this 'late winter of the soul'?" Is this heart-ache really about the fulfillment of our ministry calling... or is there something deeper behind it?

Well... C.S. Lewis, in his allegory entitled "Pilgrim's Regress", says that our deepest longings, while seemingly related to something in this world, are in reality our heart's desire for God himself. We strive for what we believe will fulfill us (sometimes even things that are excellent and ennobling) but, even when we reach that "place" or attain that "thing", we find that we still want more. We find ourselves singing with Bono, "... I still haven't found what I'm looking for.".
And, the New Testament scholar N.T. Wright, In his book "Simply Christian", says that the universal human desires for things like justice, beauty, relationship and spirituality are really the "echoes of a voice". That voice is that of the Risen Savior and He is calling us toward his Kingdom.
Our problem is that when we experience these desires and longings, and go about seeking fulfillment in the "things" that are found in this world (many of which are perfectly great... and worthy of our desires), we usually give up the search to soon. We need to recognize that they are really hints and dreams and shadows and echoes of the One for whom our hearts truly and deeply ache. In this sense, being a hedonist is actually a good thing... but only if we refuse to settle for less than the true pleasure that is ours in Christ.
"The whole creation is groaning as in the pains of child birth and we too groan as we await the redemption of our bodies (resurrection and the commencement of the New Creation that will come in Christ at his return)." Romans 8

"I'm not dead, yet..."

Remember that line out of Monty Python and the Holy Grail"? What a funny movie!

It's like the time of the plague in Europe.

I can hear the ox-cart man..."Bring out yer dead!"

Now, they're hauling me out to the cart..."I've got one... here's yer nine-pence"

But wait... hold on... "I'm not dead, yet. I think I'm getting better."

It's been a very long time since I posted to our blog... but, really... (well, you know the line).

Naomi and I are alive and relatively well... trying to survive another eternally long New England winter. At this time of year my whole body and soul begin to ache for Spring. The signs are there... the Red Sox are playing baseball in Florida, the clock gets turned one-hour ahead and our basement is flooded.

It is so close that I can just about reach it. I can almost feel the warm sun on my face and smell the newly-thawed dirt (mud?)... I can almost see the garden beginning to break through the patches of gray snow and dead leaves and hear the birds in the morning through my bed-side window (OK... I just couldn't stand to leave it closed any longer). Almost...

The other day I was asked in what season of the year I thought I was experiencing spiritually. Without hesitation I said, "Late winter...". Lately, it has pretty much always seemed to be late winter. We (Naomi and I) have Kingdom dreams for the future (see our inaugural post on this blog) and they glow brightly... just ahead of us. This call is real... this vision is real... and the ache in our hearts is real. It's a hope-filled, yet frustrating, time of the "year".

Well, the answer that the Lord revealed in the course of this discussion was this... "Mark, you want (and you pray) for my Kingdom to come and My will to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Great! But, Mark, you are so focused on the future and so immobilized by your heart-ache that you miss the opportunities to let my kingdom come and my will be done on the way to the future. I will minister through you all along the road."

"Father... help me to lower my eyes to the to the road before me and look for the hurting people there. Like the Samaritan, help me see the ones who need a touch from the Father. And satisfy my heart-ache so that I can find contentment in ministering in the here and now... even as we look for the fulfillment of the journey." Amen.